Imagine not knowing the direction you’re going.

Your headlights are on, but you can’t see ahead of you.

This is how you experience your daily circumstances

The path you choose seems chosen for you, clouded by uncertainty.

You can’t even see the direction you want to go, much less choose it for yourself.

Despite your circumstances, with enough self-awareness and strong intention, you can learn almost anything you set your mind to.

We can blame our circumstances, our environment and the people around us all day, but blame won’t get us anywhere.

It’ll eat at us and turn into resentment towards others.

It’ll serve as a way to justify directing your anger at them.

It can also be a way to avoid taking care of your own needs and desires, as it’s easier to blame others for your situation and circumstances, than to deal with them yourself.

At the end of the day, your situation won’t be any different because you’re busy blaming everyone else, instead of being busy doing something about your current situation.

However, there’s a way out.

If you believe the circumstances you’re in can be changed and are up to you to do something about them, then read on, if not, close the page now.

If our circumstances are worked on, they can help you learn, improve and change into the person you want to be.

Meaning a better life living on your own terms.

The Dangers of Blaming Circumstances

If we don’t observe others, our circumstances tend to be all we know.

When everyone around us and on social media seem to be happy and having a good time, and we’re not, it feels like the world hates us.

It’s normal to be frustrated, upset or angry.

It’s common to want to blame others for the situation you’re in because they “should’ve known” or “should’ve taught you more” or even “should’ve given you better advice”.

We have to remember that everyone, including ourselves, are just trying to do the best they can with the knowledge and capacity they have at every moment.

The reason we’re in these circumstances is because it’s what’s been taught to you because it’s all they know.

This is really frustrating as this tends to be a template that most follow and that don’t know how to get out of.

I have experience in hating then changing my circumstances.

It may take time.

You may feel tempted to continue to blame.

Instead of blaming others, working towards a goal breeds purpose.

This could be a hobby, or working on your relationships, or working on yourself.

The list goes on.

Damian’s Circumstances Journey

 I was 24 years old.

I moved out with my ex oninApril 2020.

Shortly after, I lost my job due to Covid-19.

We were in a studio apartment and just couldn’t get along. Never felt like there was enough space for the both of us.

In July 2020, we’d decided to call it quits, and I moved back home.

I had to move back home, there was no other option at the time.

I kept receiving really shit advice.

My parents were renovating the house.

I’d wake up at 8.30am to drilling.

Moving back home was just plain chaos.

I was desperate to move back out.

I couldn’t live in the chaotic environment they called home.

The advice everyone I kept getting was “save up and buy a house”.

As if that luxury still exists for anyone in Gen Y, Gen Z and Millennials, while also enjoying life and being comfortable without a massive mortgage overhead that’ll never get paid off.

I hated their advice and yelled and swore at whoever was in front of me giving me their advice.

I realised that advice I received just wasn’t good for me.

I couldn’t stand my situation, so I made the intention of moving out as soon as possible.

I decided to get a higher paying job that’ll help me afford moving out alone since I had nobody to move out with.

1 year and 1 month later, on the 23rd of August 2021, I moved out alone.

It was one of the most peaceful experiences and best decisions I’ve ever made.

Moving out alone and changing my situation independently helped me understand that circumstances can be changed.

It just depends how much effort we want to put into making it happen as soon as possible.

Three years later, here I am, with a better relationship than ever with my family, an incredible girlfriend, and living in my parents’ granny flat (studio) to save money.

Despite the advice I receive from others, I continue to do my own thing because I know it’s what I’m meant to do.

I’m never moving back into that house, though.

It didn’t suit me, especially with my ADHD.

And that’s okay.

It’s okay to prioritise yourself and your quality of life.

Take care of your body and mind.

Forget about reincarnation and heaven.

We have only one life.

Make it count.

6 Reasons People may Blame their Circumstances

1. Lack of Control

When you lack control over your situation, it’s easy to blame circumstances and others as a way to rationalise the lack of control.

2. Avoidance and Responsibility

Avoiding a situation or responsibility can be easier than being accountable for decisions and actions.

Emotional Comfort

Focusing on others’ failings may provide a temporary emotional reprieve. People may turn to food, social media, TV, games, and drugs for quick stress relief.

Lack of Awareness

Some people may not fully recognise how their actions affect their circumstances. It’s easier to be unaware than to confront the situation.

Social and Cultural Influences

Societal and Cultural norms may lead people to blame external factors rather than taking personal responsibility.

Fear of Failure

Admitting personal responsibility can be intimidating and blaming circumstance serves as a defence mechanism to avoid trying in the first place.

5 Steps Overcome and Change your Circumstances

1. Intention and Vision

Decide what you want to do, visualise it, and commit to taking that step.

2. Self Reflection

Sit with your thoughts to understand whether this decision is truly yours and what your next steps will be.

3. Education and Skill Development

Seek out videos, content, and tutorials on Google, YouTube or TikTok. Spend 3-5 hours learning from various sources to understand your options.

If you still lack clarity, consider exploring courses from those content creators. Take your time choosing and invest in 1-2 affordable courses you believe will be helpful.

4. Building a Support Network

Start with your closest friends and family. Choose who you’re comfortable speaking with and share only what you’re comfortable with.

If finding friends is challenging, seek out places with shared interests or online communities. Initiate conversations and be open about your intentions.

If friends and family aren’t available, consider finding a therapist you trust. It may take time to find the right fit.

5. Consistency

Work towards your vision daily.

Whether you’re watching videos, listening to podcasts, reading books, or taking steps to improve your situation, consistent effort, even just 15 minutes a day, can make a significant difference.

Stay focused on your ideal life, and you’ll move closer to it.

Dealing with External Influence

My first job was as an Administrator for a House Valuation business. I enjoyed the first few months but wanted to leave after six months.

The advice I received was to “stay for at least a year because it’s good for your resume.”

I was miserable in that role and couldn’t stand the thought of staying for a year.

I lasted nine months in total and then left.

It was one of the best decisions I’ve made!

If your goal is to be a house valuer, staying would have provided valuable experience.

In my case, I was just finding my feet and was still deciding what I wanted to do with myself and my life.

If you chose that job and have been there for years and now hate it and you wanna try something new, find another job first, then quit your current one and be on your way.

This applies for any circumstances you’re in.

It doesn’t matter if the advice is from your friend/partner/brother/sister/mother/father/priest/therapist/doctor, the list is endless, if you don’t feel like they’re giving appropriate advice, don’t bother listening.

Do these people know how to do what you want to do?

What they experience it or have any knowledge on it?

Had that person done what you’re trying to do? If not, they don’t know how to do it, do they?

If not, find someone that would give you the advice you need. Whether its through search engines, AI or people on social media.

Make sure you have a plan that works for you (include family and any dependents), and do what’s right by you.

I understand that most people get shit advice left right and centre for them, but it doesn’t mean you have to take it.

It’s easier said than done since in some cultures, family’s advice is bible and must be followed religiously. This was my experience as well.

The thing is, you may be better off without their advice, so either don’t speak to them in the first place about what you’re doing or speak to a good friend that will tell you how it is.

Circumstances can be changed with a plan and a good environment or community.

Social media for example is an incredible tool that connects people worldwide.

The caveat of social media is that it can be incredibly addictive which leads to daily use. Using social media daily isn’t necessarily an issue if utilised correctly.

What most people don’t realise though is social media tends to have a subconscious influence over time.

Just like anything else, whatever environment you’re in or involved with tends to be what your main thoughts are and your day to day.

Let’s say you see friends and influencers travelling what you feel like is all the time, you’d start to think that everyone is travelling but you.

Whatever’s observed or seen consistently tends to become the new norm.

Another good example, if you confide in a good friend and they understand both your and your families situation but still encourage you to still do what you were willing to do, that makes them a reasonable and logical friend.

Even then, you can still decide to listen to their advice, let alone my advice or not.

Having the right people around and the right information you consume daily makes all the difference.

Your life and your circumstances are up to you to decide.

Conclusion

Nobody says this is going to be easy.

Without a plan; it’s easy to feel lost and think “how the hell did I get here”.

The beautiful thing is that you can create a plan to change your circumstances.

Nobody forced you to:

Buy that thing
Get that job
Marry that girl
Study that 7 year course
Have kids even though you didn’t want to yet, let alone at all.

People can only provide advice, it’s up to you to take that advice or not, they can’t force you to do anything you really don’t want to do.

Your life is for you to decide.

Plan for your future and start building the foundation for it today.

It’s time to make that change, that decision, that step, that commitment, for your happiness.

Avoid doing something in spite of someone else.

Focus on what you believe you’d want to do.

Create a support network to help you grow.

Don’t be afraid to block and unfollow the content and people who don’t align with your goals.

Take care and cherish the body and mind you currently have.

Forget reincarnation this and heaven that.

We only have 1 life.